Flybotcidsak is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, humorless aardvark.

Flybotcidsak created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flybotcidsak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flybotcidsak, she will send you a sign.

Flybotcidsak's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Flybotcidsak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Snakes are not to be trusted.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not shave your neck.