Flansaspang is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, quiet goat.

Flansaspang created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flansaspang, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flansaspang, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Flansaspang's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Flansaspang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never paint your neck turquoise.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.