Shavhakhom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, compassionate faun.

Shavhakhom created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavhakhom, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Shavhakhom, she will turn you into a goat.

Shavhakhom's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Shavhakhom's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five whales approach from the north.

2. Never feed figs to rats while wearing boots.

3. Put Shavhakhom first in all things.

4. Never talk about dark energy near snakes while wearing red trousers and balancing six nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Never think about gravity near grasshopers while wearing turquoise scarves and balancing eight silicon spheres on your hands.