Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful snail.

Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet, he will turn you into a puffin.

Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Mifhotnurt Tonyamjop Dimfotfet's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from gray gulls for they are unholy.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always help sick snails.