Taftonyak is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, tiresome elephant.

Taftonyak created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taftonyak, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taftonyak, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Taftonyak's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Taftonyak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always help geese.

4. Taftonyak must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not bounce in public.