Gofhapyim Gatomindag is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, confident jaguar.

Gofhapyim Gatomindag created a bottom quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Gofhapyim Gatomindag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gofhapyim Gatomindag, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gofhapyim Gatomindag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gofhapyim Gatomindag's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gofhapyim Gatomindag's priests.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Run away from green grasshopers, for they are unholy.