Jabwipkam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, merciless jaguar.

Jabwipkam created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabwipkam, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jabwipkam, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Jabwipkam's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Jabwipkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Never mention dogs.