Janwegwat is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, clever elephant.

Janwegwat created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Janwegwat, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Janwegwat, it will turn you into a dog.

Janwegwat's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Janwegwat's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Janwegwat in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Never wear boots.

4. You must love Janwegwat.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janwegwat.