Linjonpom is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, moody scorpion.

Linjonpom created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Linjonpom, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Linjonpom, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Linjonpom's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Linjonpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red ear rings.

2. Never mention hamsters.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Linjonpom must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always take life seriously.