Zenvad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy hyena.

Zenvad created a bottom quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zenvad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zenvad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zenvad's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Zenvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt grasshopers.

2. Zenvad loves swans, so they must be honoured.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Zenvad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.