Kabquafzig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, contented beaver.

Kabquafzig created the Andromeda Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabquafzig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kabquafzig, she will turn you into a hamster.

Kabquafzig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Kabquafzig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Kabquafzig must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Hide if five birds approach from the north.

5. Do not hurt great tits.