Hadgepwot is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent weasel.

Hadgepwot created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadgepwot, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hadgepwot, she will torture you forever.

Hadgepwot's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Hadgepwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not keep three dolphins in a large pit.

3. Retreat if eight squirrels approach from the north.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never feed turnips to tapirs while wearing brown scarves.