Fumbettimcam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, contented goblin.

Fumbettimcam created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumbettimcam, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fumbettimcam, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fumbettimcam's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Fumbettimcam's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Goats are not to be trusted.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.