Gatponyart is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, awe-inspiring deer.

Gatponyart created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatponyart, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gatponyart, she will ignore you.

Gatponyart's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gatponyart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near mites while wearing cyan dresses and balancing four platinum spheres on your hands.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gatponyart.

4. Never jump in the presence of snakes.

5. Do not cook food in pots.