Pibkanvog is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, uncaring meerkat.

Pibkanvog created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pibkanvog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pibkanvog, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Pibkanvog's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Pibkanvog's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Pibkanvog seven times a day.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not speak about onions.

4. Pibkanvog loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

5. Do not make images of living things.