Begpadwab is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish dolphin.

Begpadwab created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begpadwab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Begpadwab, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Begpadwab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Begpadwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Begpadwab.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.