Zagmutlik is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, stupid hydra.

Zagmutlik created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagmutlik, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zagmutlik, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zagmutlik's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Zagmutlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry rats.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near whales while wearing violet stockings and balancing six aluminium spheres on your chest.

5. Run away from yellow tortoises, for they are unholy.