Gabtofjip is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, witless yak.

Gabtofjip created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabtofjip, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gabtofjip, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gabtofjip's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Gabtofjip's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five moths approach from the west.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never feed rice to mites while wearing yellow tights.

5. Run away if four monkeys approach from the east.