Teenxinpark is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, grumpy pig.

Teenxinpark created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenxinpark, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Teenxinpark, he will turn you into a plant.

Teenxinpark's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Teenxinpark's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Teenxinpark in the centre of the settlement.

2. Retreat if seven porpoises approach from the west.

3. Always obey Teenxinpark's priests.

4. Put Teenxinpark first in all things.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.