Yartveennil is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate pig.

Yartveennil created an atom two million years ago.

If you believe in Yartveennil, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Yartveennil, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yartveennil's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Yartveennil's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear red.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always treat mice with great respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.