Tikcadbest is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-assured snail.

Tikcadbest created time and space eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikcadbest, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tikcadbest, he will be very sad.

Tikcadbest's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tikcadbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Never wear blue corsets.

5. Never write about black holes.