Som is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, fast troll.

Som created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Som, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Som, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Som's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Som's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never feed turnips to sheep while wearing trousers.