Padcarved is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, bad-tempered lobster.

Padcarved created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padcarved, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Padcarved, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Padcarved's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Padcarved's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat moths with great respect.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Padcarved.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about spacetime.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.