Disswatfet is a god.

He takes the form of a large, humorless snail.

Disswatfet created Africa eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Disswatfet, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Disswatfet, he will turn you into a snail.

Disswatfet's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Disswatfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity.

4. Retreat if eight sheep approach from the south.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.