Tigstigruttcut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing tapir.

Tigstigruttcut created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigstigruttcut, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tigstigruttcut, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tigstigruttcut's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Tigstigruttcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never talk about dark energy near sharks while wearing fawn boots.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not take Tigstigruttcut's name in vain.