Armtonpak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, irritating dove.

Armtonpak created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armtonpak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Armtonpak, he will try to impress you with trees.

Armtonpak's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Armtonpak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn rats, for they are unholy.

2. Never laugh in the presence of ducks.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near birds while wearing indigo trousers and balancing six zinc spheres on your face.

4. Always wear blue.

5. Pray towards the north.