Flapstafjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, pitiless jellyfish.

Flapstafjarn created the Andromeda Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapstafjarn, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flapstafjarn, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Flapstafjarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Flapstafjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near great tits while wearing turquoise hats and balancing four tin spheres on your back.

3. Never run in the presence of rats.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near mites while wearing brown rings and balancing six carbon spheres on your arms.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.