Tandonbab is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, ruthless narwhal.

Tandonbab created everything that exists five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tandonbab, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tandonbab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tandonbab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tandonbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Run away if eight aardvarks approach from the south.

3. Never eat turnips.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Learn three new languages a year.