Japzanvol is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, annoying centipede.

Japzanvol created the Cigar Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japzanvol, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Japzanvol, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Japzanvol's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Japzanvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near goats while wearing brown ear rings and balancing nine titanium spheres on your feet.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Worship no other gods but Japzanvol.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Never think ill of sick mites.