Tonstipkop is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, quiet cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tonstipkop created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonstipkop, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonstipkop, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tonstipkop's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tonstipkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick great tits.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Never feed nuts to dogs while wearing red trousers.