Tomlarpwatsag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair dryad.

Tomlarpwatsag created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomlarpwatsag, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tomlarpwatsag, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tomlarpwatsag's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tomlarpwatsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Never feed lots of coconuts to tortoises while wearing pink jumpers.

4. Never point your back toward the west during prayer.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.