Vonkwabzag is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, vain dragonfly.

Vonkwabzag created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwabzag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkwabzag, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vonkwabzag's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Vonkwabzag's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Vonkwabzag four times a day.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from magenta otters, for they are unholy.