Jabappcussvan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, emotional fish.

Jabappcussvan created the Cigar Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabappcussvan, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jabappcussvan, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Jabappcussvan's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Jabappcussvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with brown.

2. Never allow goats to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jabappcussvan.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Feed all hungry cats.