Vinnartkon is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, amazing dryad.

Vinnartkon created the Cigar Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Vinnartkon, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vinnartkon, he will be very sad.

Vinnartkon's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Vinnartkon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red shrews for they are unholy.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

3. Never think about special relativity near nematodes while wearing black boots and balancing nine nickel spheres on your back.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.