Zag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, temperamental narwhal.

Zag created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zag, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zag, he will refuse to believe in you.

Zag's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat bananas.

2. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

3. Never feed cucumbers to whales while wearing dresses.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Zag in the centre of the settlement.