Teenbaparp is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, proud jaguar.

Teenbaparp created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenbaparp, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenbaparp, she will manifest in front of you.

Teenbaparp's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Teenbaparp's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near badgers.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not keep seven squirrels in a large pit.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.