Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, intelligent goat.

Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul created the planet Jupiter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul's Holy Commandments

1. Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must love Quafcemsatstancabzimtipnul.

4. Always help doves.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.