Larnpogvad is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, dishonourable rat.

Larnpogvad created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Larnpogvad, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larnpogvad, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Larnpogvad's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Larnpogvad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

3. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Fast once a month.