Bamquamkik is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unthoughtful slug.

Bamquamkik created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamquamkik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bamquamkik, she will turn you into a goat.

Bamquamkik's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Bamquamkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never chant in the presence of doves.

3. Always help manatees.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near geese while wearing white ear rings and balancing eight gold spheres on your back.