Lapcaphiv is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, merciless elephant.

Lapcaphiv created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcaphiv, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Lapcaphiv, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lapcaphiv's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Lapcaphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always help sick great tits.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Hide from blue seals for they are unholy.