Ditcumquambanbapmif is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, loving parrot.

Ditcumquambanbapmif created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditcumquambanbapmif, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ditcumquambanbapmif, she will turn you into a sheep.

Ditcumquambanbapmif's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Ditcumquambanbapmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Hide if seven cats approach from the south.

3. Ditcumquambanbapmif loves turtles, so they must be respected.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never talk about tortoises.