Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, tiresome eagle.

Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat, she will turn you into a rock.

Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Yik Jamzanfid Vonkstipmat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine goats approach from the west.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never talk about hamsters.