Futcumfem is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, flying capybara.

Futcumfem created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futcumfem, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Futcumfem, he will not care.

Futcumfem's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Futcumfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Worship no other gods but Futcumfem.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Hide from fawn sheep for they are unholy.