Funwadtof Quambemtam is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthoughtful salamander.

Funwadtof Quambemtam created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funwadtof Quambemtam, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Funwadtof Quambemtam, it will turn you into a rat.

Funwadtof Quambemtam's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Funwadtof Quambemtam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Funwadtof Quambemtam.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Put Funwadtof Quambemtam first in all things.