Tailarf is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, proud shark.

Tailarf created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailarf, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tailarf, it will cry a lot.

Tailarf's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tailarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cucumbers to ants while wearing white kilts.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Do not wear red clothing.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tailarf.