Quartladcat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, omniscient donkey.

Quartladcat created the Cigar Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartladcat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quartladcat, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Quartladcat's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Quartladcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Quartladcat's priests.

2. Quartladcat loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think ill of sick turtles.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Quartladcat.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.