Bemtailmob is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak walrus.

Bemtailmob created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtailmob, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bemtailmob, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bemtailmob's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bemtailmob's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not resist order.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never handle iron while unclean.