Flowshav Cimpopwod is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ruthless mongoose.

Flowshav Cimpopwod created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowshav Cimpopwod, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flowshav Cimpopwod, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Flowshav Cimpopwod's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Flowshav Cimpopwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of elders.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Never think about dark energy near squirrels while wearing turquoise coats and balancing six aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. Always remove rings before entering holy places.

5. Hide from yellow turtles for they are unholy.