Kopstigmobcamvinquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, smart cow.

Kopstigmobcamvinquaf created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Kopstigmobcamvinquaf, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kopstigmobcamvinquaf, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kopstigmobcamvinquaf's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Kopstigmobcamvinquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt seals.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Do not dye your hair white.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed lots of bananas to doves while wearing cyan shorts.