Flamlarpcut is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, selfish tapir.

Flamlarpcut created water two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamlarpcut, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flamlarpcut, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Flamlarpcut's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Flamlarpcut's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve hamsters for they are unholy.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Flamlarpcut must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. You must love Flamlarpcut.